checkmate with a knight

h, many times i think reality surprises me... you can't never guess how your decisions will impact in your own life, and almost every time you find yourself facing consequences you could never expect.
i used to like to play chess. many times you could change the game with your moves, and you could see the consequences of your moves coming... you could either pursuit or be followed, but you could take the evolution of the game in your mind... playing with your mind. in life it's often the opposite
you play your moves, you plan the causality with reality and, at the end, your life comes different from what you've expected. and if you take decisions fast, you life turns much faster than the sequence of your moves
that's probably why people play chess with a watch. you need to have time to press the watch, otherwise the game goes out of your control, and you loose track of the consequence of the movements
i will try to take decisions slower and wait for the consequence before taking another one... life can be a chess game, it doesn't need to be like checkers... you need to pass the move to your opponen in a timely manner, not by pure instict. one needs to be polite with the timing of its actions, to get proper consequences

b, chess is not polite at all... you have a horse there and they call it a knight

turning a light...

Every time i wake up h, i still feel confused about my sleep
it's like someone who is slowing turning the lights on, and, in that time, you can't tell if the room is white, blue or green, squared or circled, or if you're setaed or turned upside down
probably that happens because my mind shuts down when i sleep. i release all the energies from the brain, and that's why people relax and feel more energyzed after sleep
I used to think sleeping was such a waste... however it's during the sleep time i take all the decisions i need... the good and the bad ones
I remember one day i needed to decide whether to visit a old cousin i had, with whom i din't speak for for years, after arguing over the origins of indian summer. i couldn't decide myself as i was coming to his hometown the day after, and it was the only shot i had to turn the relationship peacefull
I couldn't sleep all night, because i couldn't decide what to do. then the morning came, then the lights were all turned on, but, in fact, the lights were on the whole night
I just continued my dusty route and didn't stop by his house, but this wasn't a decison, it was just leting myself go. I think he died last year, but i'm not sure.
i really cared for him and he was right about the indian summer...



b, the thing that i like more about sleeping is dreaming...  and i can't take decisions with my mind turned off.
doesn't work for me...

a life lasts a lifetime...

h, these days i am feeling a new man
when i was young nothing could slow me down, but now i have feelings that i didn't before
surely your age changes the way you think. but does age bring new feelings? i am sure it does.
and that's because of your history. after so many crossroads you've gone trough, some feelings like curiosity and enthusiasm tend to erode, while other like clearness (is this a feeling h?) come often.
i am already feeling curious and enthusiastic about new feelings my life will bring me. hope times passes really fast h

b, feelings don't last for a lifetime. you've already told me so... perhaps you are getting old and not seeing things clear.
Can we stop 5 min b... i am feeling really curious about this nice shadow

harder than wood

look at that old toy in the road, h.
i think it's a wooden horse... some kid must have abandoned it here. but it's strange,
kids do not loose toys, they make part of their reality.
every toy is part of their own world and their story is all around the toys they have... and that is carried all your life
so i guess it is important the kind of toys a children has... it changes the way the child and adults see the world

that's right... world and reality are built around toys.  

b, i'll stop! it seems you want that horse for yourself

the birds are wild... neither is the snake

are you listening to this song h? I think is a mocking bird...no, it's some bird of prey
it freaks me  listening to birds whistles... you never know why they are screaming like that. perhaps they are hunting, perhaps they are sleepy, you don't have any way to figure out why.
you're so used to understand sounds, that i feel uncomfortable when i don't understand what i am hearing.
it's like when you're a baby and just hear strange sounds, without knowing what is being said...
perhaps this is just me going back to those times. misunderstanding.
i can't understand birds and that freaks me a little bit.

b, snakes also frighten me. they can kill me with a bite!

walk the circle...

h, let's do a half turn and go that way. let's check those mountains
An half turn is like an half circle? when people tell you to change direction, they tell you to turn 180 degrees,,, to be different. once i saw someone laugh when i told him to make a 360º turn in his life. It was my mistake... but now i would have say that again.the reason is simple. in a road you can turn. you take yoursel and your ride to another road, to see different things. perhaps to go to places you never hit before, or perhaps to avoid places you never visited before.
but, on your life (and on yourself), you can't change that much. you can learn, try, fail, discover, hide, explore but, at the end, your the same one. your bones are the same, your brain is the same, and your history is the same. that you can't change
so, people can do some turns, but they will end up in the same place. probably with different perspectives or feelings, but one is always the same one
So, you can't do half turns on your life...

Stop it b.... stop! now you're really making me dizzy
i can't do the turn or i'll rollover. let's keep this road

Consuelo

once i was in a bar after a long long winter day, h. it was  colder inside than outside, and all tables were fill with empty glasses. Before asking something, i've tried to take the empty glasses out of the table and place them on the tab. i couldn't... the tab was also full of empty glasses... and i've never seen a bar with that many glasses.
all of the glasses looked the same... tall, empty and used. only three tables of the bar were taken, two couples and a bunch of farmers. everyone was smoking. i went to the tab and ask for a beer... there was only one person behind the tab, a old mexican woman, washing the glasses. she had a  tatoo in her arm... the wasted ink draw something like consuelo, if i'm well remembered.
i asked for the beer three times, and the woman kept on washing the glasses, the couples kept arguing and the farmers kept smoking. So, i left... and tried a beer some other place. What to they need a waiter for h, if she doesn't serve the clients?

to wash the glasses, b
(...)
perhaps the bar was already closed.... that's why it was colder inside than outside


   

 

hibryd fuel

every time i feel this cold breeze i miss the hot summer sun.  the pavement melting, the rides with the shaking shadow, the sweat, gluing the cloud dust that crashes with skin...
but it's funny h.... in summer i miss cold winter mornings. with fog rising from the water, hard bones trying to flex your joints, dry snow dust hitting the hat...
and when winter comes i can't say i like it, although i've been waiting for it.
remember me this if i start talking about winter next summer.

by the way b, last summer you've asked me to remember if you started talking about summer in winter
sorry! i forgot it

Sure! Just let myself know....

h, have you ever seen that sessions where the same person  takes a snapshot on the same position year after year?
i would love to do it... it's a calendar of your life, and you can see all the changes, clothes, and, well, everything else that you've valued on that part of your life

and it's also useful for others... for the ones that just know you and can't imagine you younger (not much young, just a litttle bit... well, they can choose)
id's should have this kind of photos. if they (you know what i mean...) want to refer to some specific situation, you should be able to see the face of the person at the time of the fact... not the fact the person choose to have on the id

in fact, you shouldn't let people choose the photos they have in id's... it's a fake

b, i see you don't like your new haircut...

 

S(th)ing

once i was running
up the green hill
looking for my sweet one
the one my heart could fill


she is part of my life
my sweet long embrace
she kept all fears away
with a gentle shinning face


sorry b, can you sing only for your mind to listen?
It's like rain... it gets into my bones

stare.... or go

h, look at that old man staring at us...
some people dare to stare at you, challenging your personality... well, but that just only when they stare at your eyes.
i once was told that is not polite to stare. what do you think? For me staring is fine. old people use to stare a lot, like they look at what they've lost. I think old people stare because they want to get some good memories back, an they project on you what they were.
so, you are like a mirror for people.... that's why they stare!

He is not staring b, i think he's blind
can we stop for 5 minutes? it's raining again

yes, it rains

h, what a storm!
this was a big one and all this rain is cleaning the road ahead.
so curious... every time it rains, the shapes look more defined and colors more bright...
and you can feel the rain stopping. once I've tried to find the last raindrop falling and catch it with a cup.
i could never do it.... i was never sure wich was the last and i wouldn't like to do such a stupid thing with a regular raindrop...
(...)
b... i used also to like rain. no i don't... It gets inside my bones